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How to Let Go of Your Ex-Partner

How to Let Go of Your Ex-Partner

Contributed by: @Ms_Tomilola

This post is not the usual “How To Get Over Your Ex-Partner” and it’s quite simply because I don’t believe in getting OVER an ex. I wish more people would find the beauty in letting go rather than thinking that, in order to move on, you need to find yourself with another person. Ladies and Gentlemen, you are not doing your heart any good by trying to patch over the hurt and pain with what appears to be a new and exciting love interest. In order to heal, you must confront the issues of the heart. Below are a few steps to help you start the process of letting go.

1. Spend Time Alone

Yes, I said it. I know society tells you that everyone should be in a relationship but it is absolutely fine to be alone and single. Please remember that alone does not automatically mean lonely. Use the time to figure out who you are and what you stand for. Drown out the noise so that you can make sense of your thoughts and emotions. 


  • Switching your phone off (but let those important to you know where you are and that you are alive and well).
  • Taking a break from social media.

2. Get a New Routine

Starting again is so difficult, trust me, I’ve been there. Try and face your fear by doing it alone or with someone else (platonic might I add). Now you’ve drowned out the noise, it’s time to change your environment. When you have settled it in your mind that your relationship is over, go ahead and remove the reminders.

De-clutter your environment, even if you are not quite ready to throw items away. You can at least move them, remember out of sight is out of mind.


  • Breaking the cycle, staring at four walls will not make you feel any better. Go and see friends or take a walk.
  • Doing all the things that you couldn’t when you were in a relationship.
  • Change your phone number, drastic yes but sometimes necessary. Take charge of protecting your mind.

3. Let Yourself Heal

Cry if you need to, it’s ok. Don’t apologise for being upset. No matter how long or short the relationship was, you are entitled to feel how you feel. It is ok to be upset just do not unpack and live there.

Face your feelings and don’t be angry at yourself for being hurt. Time is a healer, do not expect to start feeling different overnight.


  • Going on a solo holiday (don’t break the bank). Fellow ADZVICE contributor, @TeeXCI is the go-to for this, check out her posts: Going Abroad Alone | Advice for Solo Travel & Going Abroad Alone | 5 Packing Tips for a Solo Traveller
  • Being creative, find a way to pour out your emotions. Try writing a letter to your future self about your expectations of who you will be in one year. You could also write a letter to your ex saying all the things that you could, but do not send it. This is a part of your therapy and does not need to include your ex.

4. Have Boundaries

You are in control of your life, always remember that. Even if you did not initiate the breakup you can control what happens next. When building a new life, you must be intentional about who and what you let inside of it.  Protect your mind and guard your heart as if your life depends on it... because it does.


  • Letting your ex know that it is no longer okay to call you. He/she no longer has access to your life.
  • Telling your friends and those close to you that your past relationship is not a topic of discussion. Unless you wish to bring it up.
  • Tell any mutual friends that you do not wish to hear about what his/her new love interest or see that picture of them having the time of their life without you.

Ladies and Gentlemen, in order to let go you have to figure out what life looks like without them. Trust me your future will always be better than your past if you are determined. 

Be Strong, I Believe in You.



Instagram: @ms_tomilola

Twitter: @ms_tomilola

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